


What Price Would You Pay?

by BCBoo



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barisi - Freeform, Suggested very slight Barisi, next chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 17:29:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11086464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BCBoo/pseuds/BCBoo
Summary: Based before and around the events of Next Chapter in season 18.Carisi is struggling with something alone, or at least alone until Barba gets a 2am phone call.





	What Price Would You Pay?

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching season 18 and this came to me. Probably not an overly original fic but there you go.

Rafael’s phone started ringing. He rolled over in bed and realised he was already awake. It was 2 o’clock in the morning and he was subconsciously expecting it. This was the fourth Friday night, well Saturday morning, in a row he’d received a call from a bartender he’d never met asking him if he knew a Sonny Carisi. 

The first time it happened Rafael was barely awake and just grunted an answer. He’d then be told Sonny was at some bar too drunk to remember where he lived. Rafael’s number happened to be the last one he’d called, some work-related query earlier that day, and someone needed to pick Sonny up or the bartender would have to call the police. Rafael briefly considered letting that happen, he was never in the best frame of mind when he was woken up unexpectedly, but sense quickly got the better of him. Loath as he may be to admit it he liked and respected Carisi and saw a bright future ahead of him, it’d be ridiculous to ruin all that because the detective had had a few too many and his only crime seemed to be annoying the bartender. 

That first night he dragged himself out of bed, muttering to himself angrily, threw on some clothes, dark trousers and the first jumper he could reach, grabbed his things and went to flag down a taxi. On the way to the bar he googled the place, he wanted to have a vague idea where he was heading to at this godforsaken time of the morning. It seemed like an average place, nothing fancy but not a dive. It didn’t look like a cop bar but Rafael didn’t know if that was good thing or a bad thing. 

When he got there, there was a lot of activity on the street, it must have been closing time. He asked the taxi driver if he would wait but there was already three or four people trying to get the drivers attention for a ride home. Rafael made his way into the bar which was almost empty. There were a couple of people quietly finishing their drinks and Detective Carisi slumped over the end of the bar idly doodling on the worktop with his finger. His hair was a mess, that was the first thing Rafael noticed. He walked up to the bar and got the bartenders attention.

“Final orders are over mate.” 

“No no, I’m Rafael Barba, I’m here for him.” He pointed to Carisi.

“Ah, good. He’s been here all night, he was fine til I cut him off, then he started getting pissy. I finally convinced him to go home and he can’t remember where home is.” The bartender took Carisi’s phone out from behind the bar and went to hand it to Rafael, but pulled it back before Rafael could take it. “As soon as his tab gets paid he’s all yours.” 

“Did he forget how to use his card as well?”

“Genius forgot to bring it with him.” Rafael rolled his eyes, took out his wallet and handed over his credit card. He got a receipt and inwardly was horrified to see Sonny had spent so much money on such inferior alcohol. If it had been a more hospitable time of day he might have laughed at his own internal snobbery. The bartender handed over the phone.

“He’s all yours.”

Rafael walked over to Sonny, who hadn’t noticed him yet. He’d moved on from doodling to humming some tuneless nonsense and tapping along on the bar, still slumped. 

“Carisi?” Nothing. Rafael waved a hand in front of Sonny’s face, that got his attention. He shot upright. Sonny’s tie was missing, the top few buttons of his shirt were undone, as was his waistcoat, his shirt was also coming untucked.

“Barb..Barba! Do you want a drink?” He went to get the bartenders attention but Rafael stopped him.

“No Carisi, it’s time to go home, you’ve already had enough to drink. Come on, up you get.” 

“Urgh, fine.” Sonny just about managed to pull himself off the barstool, but it was quickly clear he wasn’t going to be able to walk without assistance. Rafael sighed and put Sonny’s arm over his shoulders, the detective instantly lent on him. 

“Little tip.” Rafael said to the bartender who was watching them. “Cut someone off before they forget how to walk.” They slowly headed out the bar. Rafael hoped the cool air would sober Sonny up a bit but it made no difference. They got to the curb and once they stopped Sonny put all his weight on Rafael, the lanky detective almost fell forward so Rafael put his hand firmly against Sonny’s chest to keep him upright.

“Alright Carisi, I’m going to get us a taxi, do you remember where you live yet?” Sonny looked up at nothing, he squinted and Rafael could almost see the cogs in his brain going around. He hated to admit it but it was very cute.

“errrr….no. It’s a flat, I think, it’s brown?”

“A brown apartment building? In New York? Thank you detective, that’s very useful. I’d say don’t give up the day job but maybe you should consider a change.” He flagged down a taxi and came to an annoying realisation. “Looks like you’ll be sleeping on my couch tonight.” Rafael had no idea where Sonny lived and he wasn’t going to call any of the others at this time of night. Sonny would have to sober up at his apartment and slink home in the morning.

The rest of that first night was uneventful. Rafael poured Sonny into the taxi. Sonny spent the journey humming more nonsense and half singing along. He couldn’t handle stairs so Rafael was very grateful the elevator in his building had recently been fixed. He just about managed to get Sonny to take off his jacket before he passed out on the couch. Rafael found a blanket for him, left a glass of water on the coffee table and went to bed. By the time he woke up Sonny had gone. The following week Sonny avoided eye contact with Rafael on the rare occasion they saw each other, but didn’t say anything about what happened. Not even an apology which had annoyed Rafael. Sonny probably didn’t even remember he hadn’t been able to pay his tab, Rafael was tempted to hand Sonny the receipt without saying a word to see how he’d react but there was no need to embarrass him.

The second and third time it happened much the same way, different bars, and Sonny had some cash on him the second time but still not enough for the bill. There was the mindless humming on the way home again. Sonny left before Rafael woke up each time. He’d planned to confront Sonny about it, it seemed so unlike him to try and drown his sorrows alone in a bar, not the happy go lucky Sonny they all knew. But it was a chaotic few weeks and Rafael wasn’t able to get Sonny alone.

So, this was the fourth time. Rafael would have to talk to Sonny this time, this couldn’t go on. Why he always seemed to be the person Sonny called for after crawling into a bottle he didn’t know. Why Sonny didn’t drink at home rather than at bars that seemed to get progressively rougher each week he didn’t know either.

This bar was a dive. I was dark and the smell of cheap beer was oppressive. Rafael was surprised the bartender here called him, it seemed more like the kind of place that would unceremoniously throw Sonny out without a second thought. If someone didn’t intervene Rafael feared that might be where Sonny ended up next. Rafael went to check with the bartender, another tab not paid. He settled the bill and went to collect his weekly roommate. 

“This is becoming a bad habit detective.” Sonny didn’t even reply, he just looked at Rafael with his big blue sorrowful eyes and Rafael felt something tug at his heart strings. “You and I are going to have a talk this weekend whether you like it or not.” Sonny grunted and went back to staring at nothing. “Come on, there’s a couch with your name on it a short taxi ride away.” They stumbled out the bar and to the taxi that had agreed to wait for Rafael this time. The humming started almost as soon as they pulled away. Initially it had been annoying but Rafael had started to be able to piece together what Sonny was humming, this week it was a mix of 4 Non Blondes and Bon Jovi.

They made it to Rafael’s apartment and Rafael reminded himself again he needed to find out where Sonny lived. Sonny was avoiding him so he hadn’t been able to ask and it wasn’t something he could ask Liv, she didn’t know about Sonny’s new weekly routine yet. Sense told him he should tell her but he wanted to try and help the detective first if he could.

Sonny didn’t even need prompting when they walked into the apartment. He drunkenly removed his jacket and stumbled over to the couch, he was asleep before his head hit the pillow. Rafael knew that if he went to bed now Sonny would sneak out before they could talk so he decided to stay up. He turned on the coffee machine and went to find the book he was currently reading. Book and coffee in hand he made himself comfy on the armchair opposite the sleeping detective and settled in for what little remained of the night.

The next few hours passed quietly. Rafael was engrossed in his book and he was relieved to learn Sonny didn’t snore when drunk.

At around 6:30 there was movement from the couch. Sonny groaned and covered his eyes with his hands, no doubt to slowly let the light from the room into his weary eyes. Once he’d become accustomed to the light he dragged himself upright and leant against the arm of the couch. He hadn’t noticed Rafael yet. Sonny starred ahead for a few minutes and Rafael wondered if he’d fallen asleep with his eyes open. Then he slowly turned around and put his feet on the floor, this was when he noticed Rafael.

“Shit! Barba!” He winced at his own voice.

“Good morning Carisi.” Rafael put his book down on the coffee table. He wanted to make some kind of sarcastic remark but it would be no fun if Sonny wasn’t clearheaded enough to understand it. “Do you want some painkillers? Coffee?” Sonny nodded so Rafael walked over to the kitchen. When he returned Sonny was slouched on the couch. He didn’t know if Sonny considered doing a runner but it was clear even if this was the plan it wouldn’t be possible in his current state. He put the coffee, a glass of water and packet of painkillers down on the coffee table and sat back in the armchair. Sonny gingerly reached for them.

They waited in silence while the caffeine and painkillers took effect. Sonny avoided eye contact with Rafael the whole time. After a suitable amount of time had passed Rafael spoke.

“So then Carisi are you going to tell me what’s going on? It’s not that I don’t appreciate the company once a week but I’ve seen enough good people lose everything by not seeking help.” Still no eye contact. “The first time I get that my number was the last number you’d called that day but you’ve avoided talking to me ever since so you must have asked the last three bartenders to call me.” Nothing. “I’m a lawyer Carisi I can vamp for hours if I have to.” Sonny sighed.

“Fine counsellor, you want me to open up to you, reveal all my deepest thoughts to you?” He was being sarcastic, incredibly sarcastic, Rafael was almost proud. “I just” he paused “I just don’t know anymore.” He picked up the half-drunk coffee and stared intently at it.

“You don’t know what?”

“I don’t know if this is for me.” He took a sip. “Since I decided to go to law school I thought the fact I was already a cop would be a great stepping stone to becoming an ADA. It’d be great experience and a way to earn enough money to get me through law school. And I loved it, for years. Helping people, arresting the bad guy. Then I made detective and I thought it’d be even better, and it was for a while. Homicide started to get to me so I left, I don’t know why I picked SVU. There was no way it would ever be easier but I felt it was where I had to be you know.” He put the coffee down and started fidgeting before continuing. 

“But it changes you, in lots of subtle ways and you don’t notice until it’s too late. Sometimes I don’t recognise myself anymore and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. It’s been building up for a while, since Dodds died I guess.” There was a pause. 

“I feel so alone. I can’t burden my family with this, I don’t tell them any details about this job, no one outside the job should have to hear that. Same with my friends. And I can’t talk to anyone at the squad. Finn doesn’t do heart to hearts, Amanda wouldn’t get it and Liv, well she’s got her own stuff going on. I tried to talk to her about it, kind of, she pretty much just told me everything would work out and that was it.” Another pause, still no eye contact. “Then yesterday when I had that gun in my face I couldn’t help but think why am I here.” Rafael shot forwards in his chair.

“Wait, what gun?”

“You hadn’t heard, I thought you knew everything Barba?” Sonny finally made eye contact, along with a forced smirk. “Tom Cole. He was in a building with Quinn Berris and had a gun. I searched the building but he snuck up on me. I’ve been playing it over in my head and I don’t know if I made a mistake. He pulled his gun on me, it was right there.” He gestured in front of his face. “I tried to focus on my training, it’s not the first time I’ve been on the wrong end of a gun. But I was thinking all those thoughts you’re not supposed to think in these situations, distracting thoughts, like what if I died here, would it have been worth it?”

“Those are dangerous thoughts Carisi.”

“I know.”

“What happened?”

“Liv shot him, in the head, right in front of me.” Sonny stopped and stared at nothing again. He wiped something that wasn’t there off his face. Then there was a forced smile “And then everyone went home. I filled in the paperwork, changed and went to find a bar. And now I’m here, on your surprisingly comfy couch, I mean I swear I would get a better night sleep on here than I do in my own bed, if I was sober.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“Sorry. I’m not used to talking about these things, which I know is a surprise as I talk endlessly about everything else. But this is different.”

“You need to talk to someone, have you considered taking a break? I’m sure you’re owed some leave? I’ve never known a squad that hordes its leave like Manhattan SVU.”

“I can’t take a break now, we’re so under staffed. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“It’s ok to be selfish you know.”

“So I take a week or whatever then what? Fin works pretty much every shift he can anyway, he basically lives there. Amanda covering my shifts and spending more time away from Jessie? Liv’s a lieutenant so she can’t cover me. When we’re understaffed that’s when victims suffer.”

“And what happens when you burn out because you don’t seek help? How many victims would suffer then? You’ve got a great future ahead of you, I believe you’re going to help countless people but you can’t do that if you’re stuck at some dead-end job full of other burn outs.”

“You think I’ve got a great future?” A smug smile this time. Rafael rolled his eyes.

“Alright, I won’t be saying it again.” He got up and sat on the couch next to Sonny. He looked Sonny in the eye. Rafael did something he never pictured doing, he held Sonny’s hands which were clenched together on his lap, not moving around as he spoke like usual. “I mean it though. You’ve come in the leaps and bounds since you turned up with that god-awful moustache. You’ve got more empathy than anyone else in there, you have your stubborn moments but you’re not afraid to learn. Your understanding of the law makes you a huge asset, you can see every case from both sides, you know what I’m going to have to face when most cops have stopped worrying about a case.” 

Sonny looked down at Rafael’s hands, not wanting to continue the eye contact. Rafael continued.

“This job isn’t for everyone, it is tough. We’re seeing some of the worst of humanity, and I’ve drunk myself into oblivion before over it as well. But you are good at it, and you are good for it. When you finally decide to put that law degree to good use you are going to be an amazing ADA, I’m sure I’ll have to watch my back.” He smiled. “I don’t know why you felt I was the one to turn to but I am going to help you.”

“You don’t have to do anything, I’m sorry I keep ruining your Friday nights.”

“Don’t worry about that, it might shock you to learn my Friday nights tend to be quite quiet.” Sonny surprised Rafael by leaning in against his chest. Rafael adjusted his position so he could put a reassuring arm around him. His initial reaction was to jolt away but Sonny clearly needed a comforting embrace. It was tense at first as it was an unfamiliar position for the both of them but they quickly relaxed. Rafael sat back and Sonny moved with him. He put an arm around Rafael’s waist and clung to him. Rafael continued. 

“I have a friend, well a friend of a friend who is a therapist, I’m told he’s very good, I could get you an appointment for a referral.” He didn’t say it as a question, it was a fact, he’d already slotted making the call into his plans for the day. Sonny didn’t say anything but nodded. “I also want you to promise me something. Next time you feel like trying to drink away your sorrows come here rather than some dive bar. We can talk. And then if you still need a drink, well I’ll be sure to stock up on some of that god-awful excuse for a drink you’ve been downing for the last month.” Sonny laughed slightly.

“Thank you, well we can’t all afford the fancy scotch you drink.”

“I don’t know if I can afford it now, I’ve been paying your bar tabs for a month.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh.”

“I’ll pay you back…and bake you a cake to say thank you or something.”

“You can thank me by getting help. What am I going to do without you to bother me every day at work? You’d be the one rescuing me from pissy bartenders.” He paused. “A better class of bars of course.” Sonny laughed again.

“Ok, it’s a deal.” They sat in silence for a long time, both comfortable and content. It only then struck Rafael that he’d just given Carisi an open invitation to come to his apartment any time of day or night, his mother and oldest friend were the only other people allowed to do that. What was more shocking was Rafael was ok with that. The thought of Carisi leaving SVU had scared him, he knew he would do anything in his power to make sure Sonny was ok, whether it meant playing bartender at home or footing the bill for therapy. It was a price Rafael was willing to pay.


End file.
